Apparently, when you have twins and go back to work, there is no time to blog. I'm just finishing my 2nd week back and trying to adjust to our new normal. I work 3 12 hour shifts a week, so my husband has been able to stay home an extra day in addition to weekend time leaving us with them going to a sitter one day a week. I hate leaving them, but it's just the nature of the beast.
I have an insane amount of anxiety. I am always worried something will happen to them, either while they're with me or not. I catch myself staring at them as they sleep to make sure they're breathing. I hope part of it's the first time mom thing and that it'll get better. I think a lot of it has to do with our infertility journey. Like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I thought that the infertility feelings would go away once they were here, but it doesn't seem that they will. I hate it. I feel like I don't have many I can talk with about it. Many of my good friends are also dealing with infertility and I feel as if I've become somewhat isolated from them. I don't want to shove my babies in their face, but at the same time, it's so hard not being able to celebrate these miracles with the people that understand exactly what we went through.
Speaking of my miracles, they are 3 months old now. They smile and coo up a storm, but watchout if you're late for naptime. It's not easy somedays, but then they look at you and smile and it doesn't matter how long they were crying. I don't know how they got so big so fast. I miss them being so little, but I'm excited to see how they grow and change.
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